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Metamorphosis
Words for the
Transformational Woman
by Melinda Elkins

On behalf of women seeing to make their lives better, I am proud to offer you articles written by Melinda, a life long friend who has helped so many for so many years.

Hans King

Click on a section title below to open each article.

February 2012: "Love is Trying to Find You"

Ah, love. It is both the joy of our lives and the bane of our existence. Yet, most of us continue to seek it out in all its many forms. At the top of the list, that most special relationship which we can call our one-and-only. That person who makes our hearts sing (and who can most easily throw us into a tailspin with their bad behavior). It's the one with whom we possess that heart connection which transcends all logic. There is no explaining love. Love simply is.

So, why is it that we spend so much time thinking about love, seeking it, even writing songs and flowery poems about it? Of course, it is a basic human need, an emotion which must be satisfied within every individual. Nevertheless, it seems that we spend an exorbitant amount of time looking for love, when, perhaps, we should be letting it find us.

It is a basic law of the Universe that in grasping for our desire, injecting it with our fear and worry, and generally never turning loose of it, that we somehow push that which we want ever farther away from us. What if we simply relaxed into the knowing that at the right time and in the right way that special someone will cross our path and our destiny will be forever changed? This knowing is, in and of itself, a sort of continuing affirmation. And, it has been said, too, that the act of knowing goes beyond even prayer, in that it assumes that that which we want is already done. It is, in fact, a feeling far more than an intellectual concept. It is something which we know in our hearts, not in our heads. When we accept this knowing at the deepest possible level, our entire being resonates with joy. It is then that we truly know, without a doubt, that we have set something powerful into motion.

Make no mistake, development of your "Knowing Self" will take some time. Just as with the establishment of a new habit, the longer you hold those knowing thoughts, the more ingrained they will become. Trust that in this process you will be guided to that which is for you. Let this new way of being act as a powerful magnet to attract that which perfectly suits your needs. Go about your life and be open to any subtle promptings which may be out of the norm. It could be the Universe urging you toward your desire.

Though it may be a possibility (anything's possible!), it probably isn't a good idea to stay locked up in your house expecting Cupid to show up at your doorstep. No, you have to put yourself out there in life. Stay busy and involved and keep your heart open. I've said it many times---the Universe expects us to do our part. Work with it and it will work with you. As always, walk in faith and trust what you are given to do, even if it may not make since at the time.

The inspired metaphysician Ernest Holmes once said of this knowing "force" (and I am paraphrasing here) that "...we should not be surprised when it works but when it does NOT work." I don't know about you, but those sound like pretty good odds to me.

January 2012: "Trusting Your Process"

In this new year some---or, perhaps, many---of you have resolved to live a better, more fulfilling, and happier 2012. For those few who may feel that life is perfect just as it is, though the rest of us may be a tad bit envious, we plan to continue grasping for that brass ring, nevertheless.

Life seems to unfold in chapters. Just because your story started out badly doesn't necessarily mean that it will end up that way. Your life is a continuing journey from one experience to the next. The plan is that we learn and grow from each part of that journey so that we can wisely plan our next step. Of course, we are not in control of everything. In fact, the most that we can really hope to have control over (if "control" is, in fact, the right word) is ourselves in this very moment. This is not to say that we should not do our very best to create the kind of life which will fulfill us. In doing so, we must be honest and act with integrity toward ourselves and others. We must stand up for ourselves when necessary, and know when to back off a losing proposition. And, we must trust our gut.

Sometimes what our gut tells us is very much out of sync with the message we are receiving from our head. Our cognitive self will inevitably analyze something to death, often leaving us with no palpable answers and a throbbing headache, to boot. Gut feeling is usually where the truth of the matter lies. And know this---it may be telling you something that is in direct opposition to what seems the logical answer. It may be telling you something different from what friends and family are saying. It may be infusing you with a feeling which flies in the face of perceived reality. If you trust what your gut is giving you, then go with it. Even if you stumble, you, hopefully, have learned something.

But how do we learn to trust that gut instinct which so often serves as both protector and protagonist? First of all, recognize it as that "feeling" which simply won't go away. It is a knowing which surpasses physical perception, and which screams out to us from the depths of our being. It is something that, when unheeded, causes us to feel out of balance and untrue to ourselves. It is that which calls for our highest and best, even if that means that we must first walk over hot coal to obtain it.

If we don't overanalyze, and can succeed in getting our trust mechanism into gear, we just may be whisked along to a most right and proper outcome. And, yes, that may mean that we get what we need rather than what we think we want. Trust the process without too much judgment, if possible. Try not to get hung up on right and wrong, good and bad. Use each day as a building block toward your future, always keeping in mind those things which you wish to experience (i.e. joy, love, abundance, a terrific relationship, a promising career, etc.) You don't have to name a specific person or job, or even how any of your other "good" might come to you. Again, trust the process, and work from your inner knowing. Be willing to act, when needed. The Universe will take care of the rest.

December 2011: Being Thankful....No Matter What

Thankfulness----'tis the season. This is the time of year when we are expected to reflect on all that we have to be grateful for. A wise aunt once admonished me (when I complained about all I thought I lacked) that it was far better, instead, to focus on one's blessings, as the list of what's right in life usually outdistances the list of what isn't. She was correct, of course, and I always try to remember her advice when things get tough. Making up that thankfulness list each time is a humbling process, without a doubt.

Over the years, as I have given more and more thought to the whole thankfulness issue, I can truly admit that some of those things for which I wasn't initially thankful have now made it to the ever-expanding thankfulness list. There is no question, some of life's less savory "blessings" have proven the greatest turning points in my life. Life lessons that may have flattened me at the time have been invaluable building blocks to later---and far better---experiences, and for that I say a rousing "Thank You!"

Actually, it is my opinion that thankfulness possesses a fairly broad scope. We can be thankful for the support of a wonderful family, or thankful that we live 2000 miles away from a dysfunctional one. We can be grateful for our perfect health, or grateful that we had that check-up which unexpectedly started us on the journey toward regaining it. That which we are now thankful for may have once been something which we railed against. Regardless of our circumstances, when we stop to count all the blessings in our own lives---even the seemingly insignificant ones---we can almost always see how the positive aspects drown out the negative.

One of the exercises which I was required to perform when taking metaphysical classwork was to make a detailed list of all those attributes about myself for which I was thankful. Once I overcame the urge to be modest (something which then actually ended up on the thankfulness list), I was surprised at just how many things about Melinda that I actually felt blessed by.

And today, when I make up the list of those people for whom I am thankful, I don't just lump them together under the headings "friends" and "family." Rather, I list them as the unique and wonderful individuals they are. Getting a visual of the sheer number of loved ones who support you in life has a much greater impact on one's psyche, to be sure.

So jump on that pen and paper and start your own thankfulness list. Post it where you can see it every day, and, by all means, update and edit as needed. And, when those days come that you are feeling at the end of your tether, counting all you are blessed with might just be the one thing that pulls you through.

May this holiday season bring more blessings than your hearts can hold!

November 2011: Is It Assertiveness or Aggression? "

Is It Assertiveness or Aggression?

Many years ago I attended a class---strictly for women---on how to be effectively assertive. We learned, among other priceless tidbits, that there is a very real difference between assertiveness and aggression. Up until that time I had not really considered that they were not one in the same. Needless to say, those few hours of enlightenment were a tremendous eye-opener which forever armed me with an invaluable tool for successful communication. (This is not to say that I don't sometimes fall short in my attempts to opt for clear cut assertiveness, but at least I now know the difference.)

Aggression, you see, is often tinged with anger, sarcasm, or accusatory overtones. In other words, it's both offensive and off putting, instantly placing on the defensive the person to whom it is directed. Aggressive words target the other party, usually with a laundry list of "YOU did this and YOU did that!"

Rather than disabling its subject, aggression is often a self-defeating act causing the individual on the receiving end to react with rage rather than understanding.

Assertiveness is not only the preferred approach, but, if I may say so, the "gentler" one, as well. Instead, it relies upon the expression of how one feels about a situation (or person or behavior). For example, instead of yelling insults at your spouse or partner regarding their less-than-stellar habits, try saying something like : "I feel_____(sad, angry, irritated, threatened, etc.) when you say (or do) that." In this way you come from a point of feeling, placing part of the responsibility upon yourself without necessarily putting the other person on the hotseat.

The assertive approach can assist in avoiding an otherwise unpleasant confrontation, and the resultant tempestuous exchange. (That is, assuming, of course, that the person you are dealing with is a relatively rational individual. As we know, not everyone is, but we'll save discussion of that for another article.)

Aggression is nerve shattering and divisive. Assertiveness is honest and controlled. Which do you suppose is more likely to build a bridge when storms rage within a relationship? If you want to have any chance of really being heard, then come from a place which reflects how you think and feel about whatever it is that concerns you. Don't accuse, don't point fingers (literally or figuratively), and try to keep your cool as you express your needs and feelings as calmly and as firmly as possible.

Hopefully, this will pave the way for dialogue, not derision. Try it and see if you don't get a response which differs from the norm. If nothing else, handling yourself assertively may disarm those who are not accustomed to your new way of "dealing." And wouldn't that be nice?

October 2011: "Giving Yourself Away"

Giving Yourself Away

If there is one thing I know, it is that the feeling of being used, put upon or otherwise taken advantage of is often inextricably connected to our failure to use that very simplest of words---"NO." Such a small word, really, but one which can greatly impact our lives, depending upon our wise use of it. So, why do we have such a difficult time employing the "NO" word when we we need to?

Do we avoid it because of guilt, or, perhaps just because we wish to be liked at any cost? Do we swallow the word out of embarassment, or simply out of habit? Somehow, we frequently fail to say "NO" even when we know that not doing so will prove a detriment to ourselves.

We have all made this mistake, and, for some of us, it has been a product of our upbringing.

Always put others first.

Share your toys.

Never take the largest piece of ANYTHING.

You are your brother's keeper.

Don't be selfish.

And, of course, the customer's always right.

It is likely that we all grew up with either some or all of this litany of admonitions.

Over time such rules of behavior (for women, especially) have somehow morphed into our being there for everyone everytime (and at any hour), even though we may have a house full of company, an impending PTA meeting, and a kid in the emergency room nursing a broken arm. This is an exaggeration, of course, but I'm sure you get the picture.

The fact is, we who have difficulty getting out the word "NO" need to value our time, energy, and resources more, and stop trying to play Mother Teresa to our friends, family and coworkers. That may sound a bit harsh, but it is sometimes a necessary step towards balance in our own lives. Besides lessening the burden on the "rescuer", it may actually serve as a valuable lesson in self reliance for those who are continually being rescued.

This does not make us selfish beings, just discerning ones. We can choose when and where to put our energies, without feeling angry or disappointed in ourselves for being pulled into something which we didn't want to be a part of in the first place. Placing value upon yourself is both wise and healthy.

It really is okay to "just say NO." Regardless of what you may think, you are probably not the last best hope for your friends and family. You're just the one they know they can always count on, regardless

of what it costs or how it inconveniences you.

If you have found yourself to be the one who is always expected to step up to the plate, just remember that YOU will have to be the one to change. Don't expect the change to come from others. Simply know that there will be times when you will need to use that dreaded word that you have been avoiding for so long. You CAN do it, and it actually becomes easier with repeated use.

As a former member of the Never-Say-No Club, I can tell you that it will be very uncomfortable using the "NO" word your first few times out. However, with practice, I guarantee you will become much better at it. Remember, you are not obligated to respond with an automatic "yes" just because someone asks something of you. If you're not sure how you want to handle the situation, at least say that you'll think about it and get back to them. If nothing else, this will give you time to formulate a diplomatic answer which satisfies both you and (hopefully) the other party.

Strangely enough, learning to say "NO" is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.

It will give you your life back.

September 2011: "Grief and Loss"

Normally, I do not struggle over the topic for each month's article. As a rule, it is somehow just "presented" to me, and everything else seems to flow from there. So it was again when I received the recent call that my elderly father had passed away in California. He was 93, it was not completely unexpected, yet, since he had two older sisters still living (and doing exceptionally well at the ages of 95 and 98), we thought that maybe Dad would beat the odds. It wasn't to be.

Everyone deals with loss in their own unique way. Some things are universal to us all. Like the initial feeling of disbelief. This is where I am, further compounded by the fact that I am currently (as I have been for the last nine years) living on one coast, while most of my family remains on the other. I know that were I there at this moment I would inevitably be drawn into the emotions that are running rampant so many miles west of me. Here in my quiet home among the North Carolina woods I can at least embrace my disbelief for the time being, knowing that when I get on that plane in a few days all that will be set aside.

I have long believed that this phase of disbelief is an important one, serving as a temporary protective shield to those of us who are left behind. It somehow allows us to walk through that which lies before us without coming apart entirely. In some strange way, we are given added strength to do what we must do, thus postponing the real grieving process until such time as we can do so privately.

For me, the real grieving has sometimes not begun until well after the loss of a loved one. Then, suddenly, one day, there it is---the tears, the deep sadness, the wrenching sobs. I used to question why I so often managed to avoid all of this behavior while everyone else around me seemed to be in emotional disarray. Perhaps it is because I possess a very deep belief in the continuation of each individual soul that I am, in some small way, equipped to handle the profusion of feelings which immediately follow a death. Now I just accept it as my own innate way of responding to this most mysterious of life's transitions.

Most certainly, grief has its own timeline. We can never predict how long it will last in all its intensity. All we can do is go with it, work through it, and not let it consume us. Then, one day we have our epiphany, and at that point, things begin to change. After my husband's death five years ago, I knew I had turned the corner when I woke up one day singing. I do not remember how long he had been gone-----perhaps a year----but I knew then that I was beginning to heal.

We serve no one, least of all ourselves, by hugging our grief to us long after the time that we should have let it go. My wise and mystic grandmother always warned that, in grieving beyond our time, we inevitably tether our departed loved ones to us, preventing them from fully advancing to that place where they now need to be. This is something which I have never forgotten, and have shared it many times over with those seeking to nurture their grief rather than set it free.

The amazing resilience of human nature is that it is inherently biased toward healing, on all levels. We can and will surmount loss if we but allow ourselves to do so. We can and will love again. We will heal.

August 2011: "What Is Your Intention?"

"Intention organizes its own fulfillment"

I came across this quote not long ago, though I have since forgotten who so wisely said it. Perhaps it was our own Hans King, perhaps I had saved it from some book read eons ago. Regardless of its origin, the message is profound. It speaks to us of the incredible power of directed thought. We are not speaking of random thought, of unorganized or scattered thought, but rather of conscious thought focused like a laser in the manifestation of its desire.

A common metaphysical belief is that everything which is, in one form or another, first began in thought. All that which we now enjoy (or are irritated by) in our modern world first began as an idea. However, without intention, that idea would never have turned into a cell phone, an airplane, or the words which you are now reading on your computer screen. Intention gathers the energy, the resources, the knowledge, and all the other factors needed in transforming an abstract concept into tangible reality. Intention can produce a life circumstance or a car, a fulfilling existence or a tropical vacation.

So how does this apply to us? Well, most of us will never find a cure for cancer or develop the next space shuttle. However, we can use the power of intention to address those areas which are important in our own lives. Do you yearn to be a size eight, when you are, in fact, a size fourteen? Is your goal in life to own your own home? Or to be a doctor? A model? A veterinarian? Do you center your attention on that which you truly want, or do you simply wish for that certain something to happen?

Wishing does not carry with it the power and emotion involved in making dreams into reality. Merely wishing is, instead, a passive approach to creating that which we envision. In other words, it lacks the "oomph" factor needed to demonstrate the longed for result.

Rather, we must actively infuse the creation process with our intense desire. Even if we do not know how to proceed at first, this desire and the focus of our intent will serve as a platform for the rest of that process to unfold. As possibilities are then presented to us, we can make those choices which will best serve us in the longterm.

Complacency is not an option if one's intention is to be fulfilled. As always, the Universe expects us to also act on our own behalf. As things begin to fall into place (a direct result of the intention process), we will be expected to engage, both mentally and physically. I bring up the mental element only because it is not unusual for us to short circuit our
desires once they truly begin to manifest. We must keep feelings of fear and unworthiness at bay if we are to realize success. Many a goal has been undermined through the detouring of intent.

Anyone can harness the power of intention. Just for fun, try it out on the small things in life first. There is no better way to convince oneself than firsthand experience and a successful outcome.

July 2011: "Insecurity: Love It or Leave It"

Insecurity can be crippling. At it's worst, it can interfere with our relationships, undermine our sense of self-worth, and keep us from our life's purpose. It rears its ugly head in a variety of circumstances, sometimes catching us totally off-guard. For some of us, insecurity is simply an everyday fact of life.

Along with fear, the burden of insecurity can be one of the most immobilizing forces that we, as individuals, face. Insecurity---like fear--- is insidious, coming up for us again and again, often just about the time that we have convinced ourselves that we've finally overcome it. Think you've got the insecurity lesson licked? Think again, for the Universe will most surely give you the opportunity to face it just one more time.

We with issues of insecurity must repeatedly push past our anxiety and self-doubt to perform in ways that may not be a challenge to others. She who is insecure inevitably expends a great deal of energy in the worry/fear mode. " Will I be good enough? What if I make a mistake? Will he leave me? What will THEY think?" Frankly, unless it's someone such as your spouse or your boss, THEY are probably so busy going about their own lives that they're paying very little attention to yours.

There was a time in my life when I thought I could never appear in public without full makeup and my hair at least relatively well-arranged. Even a quick trip to the corner store called for a coat of lipstick and a dose of mascara. For most other occasions, shoes, handbag, and nail polish had to match, lest someone should consider me anything less than fashionable. Appearance was one of my biggest insecurities.
Fortunately, I have relaxed somewhat in this area. Yes, I still like to dress "to the nines", when called for, but I can now run into a store looking less than glamorous and not feel self-conscious. Recently, I went into a hardware store wearing absolutely no makeup. (Afterall, if you can't do that in a hardware store, then where can you?) People still smiled at me, the clerk still greeted me warmly, and---as far as I know--no one pointed and stared. Now, this may seem like a very small thing to some, but for me it was a big step. Not only was I proud of myself for pulling it off, but, in my mind, it somehow made a very public statement. That is that I CAN be myself---the real woman under the makeup---and, hopefully, not be so absorbed in being judged by others.

Overcoming insecurity is another one of those inside jobs. It takes practice and some degree of fortitude to trudge through your own personal minefield of issues. There is no easy fix, no magic pill, there is just doing it. Start by writing down all those areas you'd like to address, and then list the ways in which you can tackle each of them. You may have heard this somewhere before, but I will say it again....there is GREAT power in writing things down. Not only does it focus, direct , and organize your thought, but it sends a very vital signal of your intention. Intention cannot be stressed enough, for it sends the message to both your higher conscience and the Universe that you, indeed, mean business.

Remember, this is another one of those processes that will likely take some time. Just know that any changes you make, no matter how small at first, will instill in you that little bit of assurance which bumps you up to the next step in your journey.

So, get out and get going. Stop questioning yourself. Pump up your potential and create a more fulfilled and confident YOU. I guarantee you will not be sorry for your efforts. In fact, you may be amazed. Most certainly, you will gain a sense of pride that you may not now possess....with or without makeup!

June 2011 "Getting Your Own Way - Or Not"

I once had an eccentric aunt whose favorite (and frequent) expression was that all she ever wanted in life was her own way. Being the single-minded character that she was, she very often got it, though the results of her efforts sometimes brought her more grief than joy.

Certainly, like my aunt, personal will can produce much in one's life. Frankly, without the human will we would be in a sorry state, indeed. However, we can sometimes carry the issue of will a bit too far. This is somewhat akin to the old saying, "Be careful what you pray for". You may very well get what you want (sometimes only through shear determination), only to find that it comes with a very high pricetag. You get the man, but it turns out he's married. The job you just had to have is yours, but the boss is a nightmare. You want your son to be a doctor and he wants to be a florist. (Not only that, but because you pushed so hard for that doctorate, he ends up being a florist who no longer speaks to you.) No doubt you have some of your own examples of the use of will gone awry. I know I do.

Rather than allowing our will to rule us, we need to be wise in it's use. Perhaps that handsome hunk whom we are pining over isn't the right one. Maybe the right one is just around the corner. Instead of forcing a situation which is not in our best interest, we can take pressure off ourselves by relaxing into an attitude of faith and trust. Let us use our will to produce results in those areas which are clearly for us.

Because we can't possibly see the bigger picture as Spirit sees it, we take a very limited view of our possibilities. In doing so, we think (quite mistakenly) that what is available is only that which we can see in front of us. We must remember that there is much, much more in the unseen world which is currently in the process of manifestation. In not trying to "push the river" we free up the forces of Good to unfold scenarios which we could never have dreamed of. How many times have we all looked back on something which we had at one time wanted, seeing in retrospect how very fortunate we were not to have gotten it? And, is it not the case that often this seeming disappointment was later followed by the appearance of something or someone far better and more suited to our needs? As so often happens, our answers come after we have "given up" and stopped fighting the uphill struggle. Would that we could take that attitude from the outset---we would save ourselves the tense burden of feeling that we have to literally make things happen all on our own.

How can we know if we are using our will incorrectly? My favorite trick is to ask for a sign. Not just any sign, but one which you can clearly understand, one which will be unmistakable to you. Then be ready, for you will most assuredly receive your sign. Be open to understanding its meaning, even if it doesn't produce the answer you want. Should that be the case, maybe it's time for alittle less will and alittle more trust. Trust in the Invisible and Its magnificent plan for you. After all, what better way to merge with your new life experience than being led by the loving hand of Spirit?

May 2011: "A Few Thoughts On Fear"

My childhood was fraught with fears aplenty. Fear of doctors, fear of the dark, fear of water, airplanes, and strangers, and an intense fear of being separated from my mother. In anticipation of being thrust into unfamiliar situations with unfamiliar people, I would make it a point to worry endlessly beforehand. If I began a new school (or, later in life, a new job) I always created a blue print of my unaccustomed surroundings so as never to find myself lost, confused, or tardy. In grammar school I even refused to use the restroom at recess for fear of germs, or worse yet, being late to class.

It didn't help that I came from a long line of expert worriers. My grandmother was founding member of our little club, and my mother saw to it that no worry was ever left untended. Many of their worries centered around the fear of something intangible. Even opening an umbrella in the house elicited panic from Grandma, who truly believed that that simple act would bring bad luck. Sadly, Grandma was overly superstitious about absolutely everything. She also had a terrible fear of being judged. During my growing up years our household mantra was "What will the neighbors think?" Obviously, fear found me ripe for the picking.

Fast forward to adulthood. Clearly, fear was holding me back. By my 20's I HAD managed to conquer air travel , though my fear of what COULD happen at 30,000 feet still lingered. Each time I was to fly, I would wind my worry clock days in advance. The countdown to takeoff was excruciating. How ridiculous it all seems now.

I have found that overcoming fear (or, at least, disabling it to some degree) has essentially proven a three-step approach. First, I have had to clearly identify the fear that I wished to surmount. That was followed by settling on a plan to consciously DO something about the fear. Finally---and this is, of course, the most challenging part---I actually had to carry out that plan.

When I decided, somewhere during my high school years, to attack the problem of my crippling shyness, I would literally force myself to initiate conversation, even if it was nothing more than a "Hello", coupled with an engaging smile. Changes didn't occur overnight, mind you, but the more practiced I became, the more my fear of strangers subsided. Lo, these many years later, people are surprised to find that I carry the shy gene at all.

Whenever diagnosed with an illness, such as adult chickenpox---which I actually had at age 58---I make a habit of reading up on my malady du jour. Armed with the facts, I can lay my fears aside and take charge of my own healing. Certainly, I have faced more serious issues than chickenpox. My husband's cancer, for one. A massive kidney stone which threatened to take my right kidney, for another. In each situation, information-gathering became a lifeline which helped to allay some of my fear-driven anxiety. Like they say, knowledge really IS power.

Of course, the approach to handling fear is always better served when there is a spiritual component. Unfortunately, I did not learn this until I was a young adult. Since that time, however, prayer, meditation, and a deep awareness of my connection to Spirit have been a very necessary part of my process.

Please don't misunderstand---I have NOT entirely succeeded in relinquishing every fear that has ever challenged me. Some still require repeated doses of attention. Nevertheless, as I work through each one, I can't deny that there is a sense of accomplishment and self pride that makes me smile. I may not overcame my fear of putting my face underwater, but, if not, I will, at least, accept that I have chosen NOT to address that fear this lifetime. Afterall, I still live a pretty good life, even if I never learn how to swim.

April 2011: "What if your dreams are TRUE?"

"Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and beauty waiting to be born." This inspiring quote from Dr.Dale E.Turner reminds us that, as long as we can still draw breath, we continue to embody the capability to transform dreams into realities. Got a dream you've given up on? You never know if your very next effort will be the one that turns the corner for you, the one that sends you repelling toward your goal at warp speed.

Just ask any "successful" person about their personal journey toward a respective dream. You will inevitably be treated to a tale of repeated roadblocks, detours, and generally bumpy roads. However, you will probably also become privy to how they stayed the course, endured the hardships, and never gave up. That may not necessarily mean that they never lost faith. Luckily, faith, too, is a renewable commodity.

My own lifelong dream has been to become a published children's author. It has been a sort of stop-and-start journey, full of hope and rejection slips. This has gone on for some years, though I must admit, I have not been constant in my efforts. However, inevitably I always eventually pick up where I left off, yet again sending off a flurry of manuscripts in the renewed desire to touch just one editor's heart. I am not fooling myself. I know that it is an uneven playing field, and that I may not be the odds-on favorite. However, what would I be left with were I not to continue to try? Regret, perhaps. Worse yet, true remorse. Undoubtedly, there would continue to well up within me that ever-nagging question of "what if?"

It is that prospect which bothers me most of all. And it is precisely that which keeps me moving (however ploddingly) at least in the general direction of my dream. When all is said and done, I would like to rest in the knowing that, at the very least, I did make a genuine, repeated, and sincere effort.

The Universe can provide the avenue through which our dreams become tangible, but we must plant the seeds and carefully cultivate the soil in which they are to thrive. We can plant at any time, since the cultivation of dreams is not subject to the weather, but rather to a myriad of conditions, many of which may actually be within our power to manipulate. How much time and energy do you wish to invest in achievement of your dream goal? Much of that is up to you. What attitude will serve you best in working toward your desire? Again, that is something over which you most assuredly possess control. True, there are always the wild cards---those things which arise unexpectedly, or those decisions which rest in the hands of others and ultimately effect us as individuals. Still, if you avoid reaching toward a cherished aspiration, you intentionally deprive yourself of unimagined possibilities, and, perhaps, even success. How will you ever know unless you truly try? And, let's face it---when you look back on your life, do you really want to be just another one of the many to regretfully sigh, "What if?"

February 2011: "A Woman Aging Spiritually"

Aging....that one common malady to which none of us is immune. Having just reached a milestone that I never imagined for myself---the age of sixty--I can say with some degree of satisfaction that I am, indeed, grateful for the latest news trumpeting the fact that "sixty is the new fifty". Perhaps this little tidbit has lessened the aging blow to some degree, but I suspect that the underlying reason that I am not slugging down antidepressant is simply that I cannot relate to the number which has been assigned to me. After all, I feel no different than I did the day BEFORE this birthday, when I was still a relatively "young" 59. I still look the same, act the same, and feel the very same inside. Acting younger than my age is something I have aspired to for some time, and, even as I enter my "sunset" years, I have no plan to set that aspect of myself aside. I make no excuses for this, nor do I intend to act and dress in a pathetically inappropriate manner for my age. (And, yes, I do realize that one's perception of what is appropriate is entirely subjective.)

Frankly, the so-called "reality" of aging is lost on me. In my world, age is just an abstract and arbitrary designation, something which humans have conjured up to define their existence. Unfortunately, it has ended up defining us as individuals, as well. Is there ever anything written about a person without age being mentioned? We are literally obsessed by it. You have, no doubt, heard the quote, "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"

Well, what age would you choose? Close your eyes and ask yourself just how old you really feel, and be honest. No one is listening but you.

Personally, I see aging as an inside job. Sure, over time things happen on the outside, but we actually can modify a great deal of that through our thinking, our behavior, and our habits. Think thoughts of ill health or "oh-my-god-I'm-going -to-be......" (just fill in the blank), and watch how the psyche responds. Convince yourself that you're starting down that slippery slope called "growing old", and eventually your body will respond, too. Much of the aging experience has to do with our attitude toward it. We don't have to give in or give up, we just have to keep moving forward with the same wonder and enthusiasm of our youth.
It's an interesting thing that turning 40, 50, and 60 really never fazed me. Turning 30 sent me into a tailspin. I can only guess that one of the advantages of added years is lessened anxiety about those things which we have no control over. And, I suppose, a gradual realization that aging does not have to detract from one's life, but rather serve as an enhancement to it. I can't turn back the clock, but I can certainly prodceed forward with the intention of living life to the fullest.

The concept of growing old does not exist for me, and, in times past, I have often wondered why. That is, until a very wise person explained it all in just a few brief but profound words. What was the message? "The Spirit within us never ages." So simple, so comforting, and so very true.

January 2011: "How to Turn Loneliness to Your Advantage"

Upon first reading this article's title you might just be prompted to ask, "Oh, and just how so?" Well, having lost my husband five years ago, I do not come to this topic without some degree of experience. Allow me to share with you some of the tools which have worked for me. (These are not magic bullets, just practical coping methods which I have come to over time.) By way of this sharing, you will, hopefully, find some tools that will work in your own life.

First and foremost, it's perfectly okay to acknowledge that you are, indeed, feeling lonely. It is another thing to allow it to become a way of life. Loneliness, for me, has gone from lonely days to intermittently lonely moments, now and again. It's a process, most assuredly. The journey away from loneliness can be a bumpy one, with setbacks aplenty. However, it is not an impossible task, just one with its own timeline. There will, no doubt, need to be some effort involved on your part. In other words, you must participate in your own renewal.

Fix yourself a potent infusion of spiritual sustenance. Read that which is uplifting and empowering. Concentrate on things of a positive nature (which may mean turning off the news, if you have to!) Surround yourself with happy and supportive people and places. And play. Plan activities, take a trip, if even for a day. Go to lunch with the girls...or church, if that draws you. Volunteer. Laugh. Dance. Play music. Sing. Tap into your creative self. Meditate and pray. Make a list of all the things you haven't yet done (and would like to), and then go about doing them.

It sounds like a tall order, but the fact is that anything which you can do to raise your endorphine level will help to keep you from regularly slipping into the abyss of loneliness. Loneliness and depression go hand-in-hand, and both will devour you, if you let them. I am sure that you know this, but I am simply here to remind you. (No nagging, just cold, hard fact.)

Use this time of "aloneness" wisely, for it may simply be an opportunity cleverly disguised as yet another challenge. Get to know yourself. Set goals, attack those projects that you've been putting off. Make this period in your life count for something, and know that, all in all, it's just a temporary glitch in the fabric of your experience. You WILL come out the other side of this, hopefully wiser, stronger, and more self-sufficient than ever. How do I know? I've been there. And survived.

November 2010: "Being a Single Woman"

Challenging. Disheartening. Depressing. Nerve-wrecking. Downright scary. In these uneasy times, there may be no better words to describe our financial woes, particularly if one is a single, divorced, or widowed female. As such we are often the sole caretakers of our children, frequently struggling to get by on one (almost always inadequate)income. Our mantra is that there is usually "more month than money", leading us, by necessity, to become masters at the art of creative financing. (I, for one, pride myself on having perfected my skills in this field, over my many years of "jumping high for biscuits", as my Missouri grandmother used to say.)

We single women mentally bombard ourselves with questions, fully half of which probably have to do with money. How can I continue to pay my mortgage? How will I be able to afford to send my kids to college? What if I lose my job? How can I afford those new shoes? (Okay, maybe that last one isn't quite so important.) The point is, more than ever, financial welfare very often sits at the forefront of our thoughts. On some days, it displaces nearly EVERY other thought. Yet, the answer to all of the questions we pose to ourselves is basically a simple one. Simple, that is, but not easy.

The answer is faith---that is, belief, positive expectation, trust in the not-yet-seen. And with that comes the hardest part of all---first, fully applying that trio of faith/trust/belief, and then following it up by releasing the problem. Send it out into Universal Mind, the Spiritual Realm, or whatever name you wish to attach to the Great Unseen Forces, for it's all the same. Like I said, simple but not easy.

Our natural tendency is to want to hold onto what little we have in the mistaken belief that there won't be more to replace it. However, in doing so, we break one of the fundamental laws of the Universe---that of circulation. The great metaphysician Ernest Holmes observed that, "Everything in Nature moves in circles. What goes out must come back." We must KNOW that there is more than adequate supply to meet all of our needs. We do NOT need to know how or where it all will ultimately come from. We do not need to know what it will look like, for abundance comes in many forms. (Maybe someone will gift you with those new shoes!) Nor do we need to be concerned that we may be taking away someone else's good, for there is plenty for all. We need only know that our needs will be fulfilled.

Of course, we must also apply ourselves in our daily lives. There is no reward for bad judgement, especially when it comes to financial irresponsibility or a poor work ethic. However,when we feel satisfied that we have done all that we can do, both in the physical and the mental/emotional/spiritual realms, we must release it all to finally produce the "miracles" which we seek. Don't keep snatching the issue back (though I know it will be tempting), rather just go about your daily life in the unshakable faith that Universal Mind is now the architect of your new-found financial well-being. Never say, "I will be financially secure", but always state your affirmations in the present tense. (Statements in the future tense do just that---they project your good into the future. It is your PRESENT which is in need, right?)

Each day, simply KNOW that faith will surmount the obstacles, trust will unleash the power, and belief will clear the way. Go forward holding in thought those changes which you desire, and be prepared to participate in the great plan as it unfolds before you. Remember, all of that which is now seen once began in the unseen realm of mind. Practice, practice, practice. Your future awaits.